This is the perfect heading I could think of when I read these paragraphs from a book that I am sharing here.
“ These lines discuss the secret of how life functions? Why are we trapped in the same patterns of feelings over the generations? Why are we face toxic relationships again and again? Why do we hate the people whom we love also? So let’s start the journey to understanding and becoming the change we want. “
Each child is angry with his mother. The mother has to prohibit many things, the mother has to say no- it can not be avoided. Even a good mother sometimes has to say no, and restrict and deny. The child feels rage, anger. He hates the mother and loves the mother also, she is his survival, his source of life and energy. So he hates the mother and loves the mother together, and that becomes the pattern. You will love the woman, and you will hate the same woman, and you don’t have any other kind of choice. You will always go searching, unconsciously, for your mother. And that happens to women also, they go on searching for their fathers. Their whole life is a search to find dad as a husband. Now, your dad is not the only person in the world; the world is far richer.
In a family, love disappear sooner or later. In the first place, it may not have been there at all, even from the very beginning. It may have been an arranged marriage- for other motives, for money, power, prestige. There may not have been any love from the very beginning. Then children are born out of wedlock that is more like a deadlock. Children are born out of no love, and from the very beginning, they become deserts. This no-love state in the house makes them dull, unloving.
They learn their first lessons of life from their parents, and when the parents are unloving and there is constant jealousy and fighting and anger, all the children see is the ugly faces of their parents. Their very hope is destroyed. They can’t believe that love is going to happen in their life if it has not happened in their parents’ life. And they see other parents also, other families also. Children are very perceptive; they go on looking all around and observing. When they see that there is no possibility of love, they start feeling that love is only in poetry, it exists only for poets, visionaries-it has no actuality in life. And once you have learned the idea that love is just poetry, then it will never happen because you have become close to it.
If you have not seen it, how can you believe it is going to happen to you too? If it didn’t happen to your parents, how can it happen to you? In fact, you will do everything to prevent it happening to you- otherwise it will look like a betrayal of your parents. This is my observation of people: women go on saying deep in the unconscious, “look, mom, I am suffering as much as you suffered.” Boys go on saying to themselves later on, “dad, don’t be worried, my life is as miserable as yours. I have not gone beyond you, I have not betrayed you. I remain the same miserable person as you were. I carry the chain, the tradition. I am your representative, dad, I have not betrayed you. Look, I am doing it to the mother of my children. And what you used to do to me, I am doing to my children. I am bringing them up in the same way you brought me up.
Unhappiness is very infectious- it is like a disease. If you are unhappy, all those who are connected with you, related with you, particularly children will become unhappy. Children are very sensitive, very fragile.
Intuition is absolute. Children are very intuitive and they are related in a very subtle, telepathic way. They don’t look at how you look- they immediately feel. Sometimes it happens that the mother may only feel something a little later on, but the child has felt it before the mother herself. The mother may be unhappy but she is not yet aware. It is still coming to her consciousness from the unconsciousness- but from the unconscious to the child there is a direct passage.
To reach your conscious it will have to pass many layers of conditioning, many layers of experiences, intellect, this and that, and it will have to pass many censors. These censors will change the message, interpret it in different ways, color it, and by the time it reaches your conscious mind, it may be absolutely something different than what it was in reality. But a child has immediate access.
Be aware of subtle aspects of parenting and know that how much power of creation you hold and how your way of raising a child contributes to peace or violence on this planet earth.
